Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was confusing and full of hummus
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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