I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
