I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
