Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
