I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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