I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
