areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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