One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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