Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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