Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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