I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
