She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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