can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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