is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
