He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
