it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
