Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
