Who wears a wallet chain?!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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