Your tits are I can't wait for
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
