he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
