i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
