lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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