The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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