everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
