Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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