just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I party with great urgency now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize