Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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