So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
