dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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