Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
