just tell him i said nine months
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
