i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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