you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
