Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
