What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
