This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
