How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
