Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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