the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
