I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
