I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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