I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize