She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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