It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
