You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
