If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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