Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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