How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
