Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
