Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
