I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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