She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
