Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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