Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
