Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
