I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize