Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
