oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize