I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
