Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
