pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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