I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
