i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
