Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
