if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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