Only a mothe r could love this liver
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
