Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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