I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
