yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
