toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
