I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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