one two three fourrrrnication!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
