Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
