I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
