I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
