Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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