Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
