I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
