so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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