we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
