Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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