I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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