you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
