You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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