I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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