im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
